A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies

  Drunk Night Before Christmas (3)

Posted to alt.drunken.bastards by E.S.InterGalactic on 1997-12-23.
Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
and I was getting soused,

Then upon the rooftop,
there arose such a clatter,
I pissed my pants and thought,
'what dud it matter,'

Then down from the chimney,
comes a gnarley old rotter,
red sock on 'es hed screamin',
'Can you make this fire any hotter?'

As we stood looking
at each other with care,
it came to my attention,
old St. Nick was standing there,

'Hey! You old FACKER!'
I shouted with glee,
'Where's the can?' he replied,
'It's important I pee.'

Upon his return,
he took a drink of my beer,
his face turned red, he coughed,
then hacked in my chair

'Don't drink that rot,'
he said with a twinkle,
reaching down in his bag,
with a rustle and tinkle,

Then to my surprise,
he did make appear,
a case of grade A cider,
then left with my beer,

Pausing at the chimney,
he turned full of cheer,
'Merry Christmas,' he said,
'Drink cider, not beer'

Then up the chimney,
he went like a monkey ablaze,
or maybe he was on fire,
my mind still a haze,

These final words I heard,
as I sipped my cider right,
'Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night'

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