A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies


  Honda And Vixen Night Before Christmas

Posted to rec.autos.makers.honda by pc_basement (ug@lee.com) on 2001-12-22.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and my Honda's sick
Not a starter was stirring, not even a click;
The booster cables hung at the bumper with care
in hopes that road service, oon would be there

I went back in the house for my bladder to drain
While visions of a new battery danced in my brain
I grabbed a cold beer and some old pizza scrap
And I'd just sat down for a long winter's crap...

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the john to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a beat up old tow-truck, and some coot in a beard,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I thought for a moment that it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles he hooked up the wires
He hooked them up backwards and my Civic caught fire!

He then passed out, it was clear he'd been drinking
His battery exploded and the wires were all stinking
When the smoke cleared came a voice from the truck
"dad's been out drinking, now your Honda's all Fu_%$ed"

I blinked twice to see through the smoke in the air
the tow-driver's 18 year-old-daughter was there.
She said "My name's Vixen" as she took off her sweater
"could I do something to make you feel better?"

"First DASHER! and DANCER! and PRANCER now VIXEN!
(not COMET! or CUPID! or DONNER and BLITZEN!)
On the top of the porch! on the top of the wall!
On the dash, on the dash, on the dash whoopee all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When you get a chance like that you don't let it go by
So up on the house-top me and that chick flew,
With a six pack of beer, and the booster cables too.

And then, me and Vixen, laying pipe of the roof
(oh the prancing and pawing of her little hoofs!)
I was shaking the shingles, when I then heard a sound,
On the roof climbed her father, he came up with a bound.

He looked mighty pissed, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bunch of burned cables were stuck to his coat,
And he looked like a monster and smelled like a goat.

When he saw me and Vixen joined at the hip
He was so shocked that he started to slip
He spoke not a word, but slipped straight off the roof,
And slammed on the hood of his truck with an "ooof!"

He then sprang to his truck, and he let out a whistle,
And away his truck flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"



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