A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies
| Lord Kwanzaa Dirty Night Before Chanukah (1)
Posted to Unknown by Frank J. Hermann on unknown.
'Twas the night before Chanukah, boychicks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels
The Menorah was set on the chimney, alight
In the kitchen, hot Bubba gechapt a bite
Salami, pastrami a glezele tay
And zoyereh pickles with bagels, oy vay!
Gezunt and geschmack, the kinderlach felt
While dreaming of taiglach and Chanukah gelt
The clock on the mantelpiece away was tickin'
And Bubba was having a shtickele chicken
A tumult arose like thousands of broches --
Da drech stinky Lord Kwanzaa had fallen and broken his toches.
I shot on my slippers- eins, tsvei, drei
While Bubba was now on the herring and rye
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gotkes
While Bubba was busy devouring the latkes.
To the window I ran, and to my surprise
Ugly fat stinky Kwanzaa greeted my eyes.
Then he got to the door and saw the Menorah,
"Oy, Yiddishe kinder" he said, "Kain ein horeh,
I thought I was in a goyishe hoise.
But before I leave dis vill be meine whorehoise.
But as long as I'm, here, I'll play with your daughters, titties and toys"
And before I leave I'll be der only pimp regular goy.
With wonder, I asked, "I kanna belief! Du bist a Yid?"
"Avada - Mein ander nomen is Grinch Schnorrer Claus, kid"
"Come into the kitchen, I'll get you a dish,
But please stop sucking on my daughters tits
I'll get you goppel, a messer, a shtickele fish
and dishes more tasty than my daughters stink sitz
With smacks of delight, he started his fressen,
Chopped liver, knaidlach and kreplach gegessen.
Along with his meal, he had a few schnapps;
When it came to eating, this fat black boy was the tops.
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt,
But they were so hot, he yelled "Oy Gevalt"
Unbuttoning his haizen he rose from the tisch,
And said, "Your Kosher essen is simply delish."
But now I must taste of your daughters small tits,
and play for awhile with der furry fishes."
When done he went to the door, he said "See you later.
I liked all the food and your daughters are taters!
I'll be back next Pesach, in time for the Seder".
More rapid than eagles, his sewer rats they came,
Pulling a big heavy watermelon all just the same
He whistled and shouted and called them by name;
"Now Izzy, now Morris, now Yitzchak, now Sammy,
Now Irving and Maxie, and Moishe and Mannie."
He gave a geshrei as he drove out of sight:
"Gooten Yontiv to all, and to your daughters good night."
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