A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies


  Lord Kwanzaa Dirty Night Before Chanukah (2)

Posted to Unknown by Frank J. Hermann on unknown.
'T was the night before Chanukah, as it is said
Oy vey, Did I dream of da big fat dark Lord Kwanzaa
And of all his horrible schemes,
In Afrika he was squatting and hocking his head
All his dildoes and sex toys spread out on his bed
He had all his stolen toys wrapped up nice in his zeckels
For maidlach and boys he gave not one peckel

The sewer rats were saddled and the giant watermelon ready to fly
Like a crew of dreck stink arab astronauts all through the sky
But Lord Kwanzaa was starving to eat a good meichel
Some regular food that would stick to his beichel

Not plum cakes nor turkey or mincemeat or peppermint candy
But some kosher cooking he thought would be dandy
So he called to his sewer rats, "Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish balbusta and don't be so slow."

My house had no chimney, so he crashed through the door
And farted at the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor
To the man of the house said, "You rich Jewish devil
Come on, don't be shy, my pecker vants to revil,
pull down your baggy pants, and raise your moon high,
and I'll screw all your daughters before I say Good-bye!"

The night is still early, there's plenty of zeit
Before I leave here I may even mount up on your wife
I said, "If only we knew you were coming, by gosh
I'd call out the wife and she'll give you a nosh,
but what she calls good screwing all others call bosh,
so I'll get you my daughters, even I've had a nosh!"

He then ate slice of stuffed derma, a few little strudels
Some chicken salami, some flanken with noodles
Some blintzes, some kreplach, some lox and bialy
A bissel chopped herring, an end piece of chaleh

All of these goodies don't fill up his fat gatkes
So last but not least, he came to the Chanukah latkes."
"A latke?" cried Kwanzaa, "what is this delight?"
On the outside it's crisp and inside it's white.
On the outside so crisp and inside it's so yummy
And he gobbled them up 'til he filled his big fat tummy.

My daughters came down in their nighties so lacy,
he played with their titties to make them more racy,
Then my daughters gave him a dreidel and did they show him the plays
they all played strip dreidel, and screwed till unable
then he brought out old Eveready and screwed 'em to the tables

He used the menorah to light up his plays
And said he'd never had a better time in all of his days
And then to giv'em some more spirit and to show how he felt
He bum-fu*ked'em with dildoes, t'is with girls Kwanzaa dealt,
For mazel my daughters thanked him, giving him kisses and spare dreidels,
helped him get his clothes on and tie up his belt,
and then they gave him all my Chanukah gelt.

..........

He beamed and he chuckled and said "Kine-ahaora,
I don't want you to feel like The Chanukah Schnorrer
To show you how much I enjoyed your fine Jewish pack
I'm taking from you everything, leaving you sacked!"

Then he called to his giant sewer rats and said, "Luz mir gehn."
And each one got ready as he schlepped on the rein
"Giddyap Irving, Hoo Ha Sidney, Hi ho Sadie, Let's go Minnie,
Onward Gussie, Upward Solly, Ole Becky, Oy Vey Molly."
And they swore that he yelled as he rode out of sight
"MERRY LATKES" to all, I visited Yankel's home tonight."

Oy Vey I awoke from this terrible dream,
but Chanukah morning did my daughters all scream,
"Vee vant Lord Kwanzaa not the schnorrers we've seen!"



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