A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies

  Sexual Night Before Christmas (6)

Posted to rec.sport.pro-wrestling by jackson@autobahn.mb.ca (Satyr) on 2001-12-19.
T'was the night before Christmas,
At Tammy Lynn's house
Her crack dealer's hands
Were inside of her blouse
Her legs were spread apart in the air
In hopes that some Johns soon would be there
The makeup she stole covered most of her scabs
A can of Raid killed almost all of her crabs

Then all on her face there arose such a splatter
It was thick like white paste and looked like cake batter
Away to the washroom she flew like white trash
Ripping a baggie, losing half of her stash
She knew the risks of sinking so low
And the inherent dangers of a condom-less blow
But, then to her reddening eyes did appear
A bearded old man soaked in urine and beer

"Are you Santa Claus, so jolly and thick?"
She said with a grin as she fondled his prick
More rapid than sudden his trousers did stain
And he groaned and he shouted then thanked what's her name
"Oh, Sunny! Oh, Tammy! Oh, sweet wrestling vixen!
If only we'd met fore your cocaine addiction!
Let me play with your tits while you lean 'gainst the wall!
Now scratch away! Scratch away! Tickle my balls!"

As dry heaves before the hangover arrives
When you reach that state, you'll mount anything alive
Then all of a sudden, his face did turn blue
As fear overwhelmed the influence of the brew
His dick started leaking, that was enough proof
Two legs or four? He thought she said "WOOF!"
A trip to the clinic would calm his nerves down
"Could you drop me off on your way to the Pound?"
She put her left shoe on her right foot
Did the same with the other... "Let's go, you old coot!"
She loosened the mattress she kept on her back
Squeezed her fat ass into the car, said "I'll be right back!"

Her thighs - how they wrinkled! Her pimples like cherries!
Her looks decomposing, her armpits were hairy!
The ravages of time were starting to show
Her breasts once pert reached her navel below
Her breath overripe had stained her few teeth
If beauty is skin deep, she was Lita beneath
She had a scar face and a stretch marked belly
And she gave off an odor of yeast, KY Jelly

She was a rubbery dry hump, a diseased little elf
And she laughed when she floored it, so proud of herself
In the blink of an eye and a foot made of lead
She ran over Santa, she wanted him dead
She said not a word and went straight to work
She burgled his sack and then thanked the jerk
She gave him the finger as he lay in repose
Then snorted white powder into her nose
Back into her car, she took off like a missle
The engine, it roared and started to whistle
But I heard her exclaim 'fore she drove out of sight

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